With Valentine’s Day rapidly approaching, and the June wedding season not that far in the distance, I wanted to do my bit for romance by providing some hope for the single women in the house.

Sisters--there are PLENTY of Righteous Black Single Men (RBSMs) in America--if you would let them FIND you. However, some of you have moved, without leaving a forwarding address. As a matter of fact, some of you have moved, and kept on stepping so often that not even God can find you, with your blessing!

Brothers, let me say up front. Marriage is NOT for everyone. If you are NOT prepared mentally, economically, socially, spiritually and emotionally to commit to one woman, for life (including the weekends), then DON’T even think about marriage.

However, sisters…there are plenty of RBSMs out in society.

*Brothers who are not ‘thugs, dogs, and drug dealers’.
*Brothers who won’t call you names, or clean out your purse.
*Brothers who are filling their minds with an education.
*Brothers who are working at legitimate jobs.
*Brothers who are NOT hanging out at the club, jail, or on the corner.
*Brothers who MAY have kids to raise by themselves.
*Brothers who WILL NOT mistreat, beat, or cheat you.
*Brothers who ARE in church, in the Bible, and in their right minds.
*Brothers who believe in an honest days work for an honest days pay.
*Brothers who don’t have an agenda.
*Brothers who practice what they preach.
*Brothers who are wondering where YOU are.

This column is to show that the married brotherhood has known for a LONG time that they do exist. Married brothers KNOW where they are. Try asking us--and our wives--before you go on some talk show, or pick up the latest ‘rant’ about ‘they don’t exist’.

But, we won’t be talking until SOME of you wise up, shape up, and grow up.

RBSMs--A GUARDED SECRET BY THE MARRIED:
In the world of business, a man (or woman) has got to be careful to whom they provide a job recommendation. If a recommendation is given to a person who is not ‘all that they claim to be', it makes the giver look bad. Thus, I am very careful whom I recommend for any employment venture, or business opportunity.

I won’t co-sign for those whom I know are NOT on the ‘up and up’.

The same can be said about the relationship arena. Married brothers WILL NOT give some single brothers a recommendation on some single sisters because many of us KNOW how you act around us--and our wives. As a matter of fact, if I may be so bold, many of our wives are the ones who are asking us to keep quiet. THEY know how you act as well.

Just as a man can’t con another man, a woman can’t con another woman.

Let me be more on the bold line. My sons were not raised to be around, nor date, nor marry ‘hood rats’. My daughter was not raised to be a ‘hood rat’. If I and my wife, set that standard for our flesh and blood, what makes you think I--or my wife--are going to give a RBSM an invitation to a relationship nightmare?

Not me, nor my house!

Sometimes, single women are their own worst enemies when it comes to relationships. Some of them are too quick to open their legs, and close their minds. Some don’t know when to turn off their gossip machines. Some wind up in jail, and call on their married sisters to help them out with bail, or drug rehab money. Some want their married sisters to ‘baby-sit’ for them, while they hit the club and the strip. Some of them are attracted to the worst possible brothers, expecting to ‘rescue’ them from their life of crime, drugs, or abuse.

No, NOT all brothers are perfect. But, if my single sisters want to know where the RBSMs are, let me provide just a friendly warning. I won’t be talking…neither will the married brotherhood…unless and until some of you prove yourselves to us--and our wives.

MIKE’S SHORT LIST:
Lest some of you think I’m being cruel, let’s go back to Business 101.

In order to get a bank loan, a client has to ‘prove’ himself or herself to a banker. In order to get a home, a client has to ‘prove’ himself or herself to a realtor. In order to become an ‘active’ member of a church, one must ‘prove’ themselves to be of the faith, not of a clique or a club.

Here is my Declaration of Marriage Recommendation Independence. The married in this country need to start holding both single brothers and sisters to a higher standard! If you know a single female, my married brothers and sisters, who wants the 4-1-1 on a single brother you may know--check HER out like your 401-K!

No information--without sanctification!

Oh, I’m going to get some email on THIS! But it’s true, true, true. Married folks, WE have been letting out too much, and demanding too little. This has got to stop, for the sake of protecting the institution of marriage that we ‘claim’ to support.

What kind of proof should the married brotherhood--and their wives--start to require before we introduce some single women to some RBSMs? What is the standard we should hold them to?

I’ve got my short list at the ready:

*PROOF OF AN UPRIGHT LIFE: Single sister, IF you ARE drinking, drugging, chasing, and scooting around after hours, why is a married brother and his wife going to ‘tell you’ about the RBSMs whom they know?
*PROOF OF LISTENING: My married sisters know this one all too well, and so do some of us married men. If you won’t listen to us in the little things about finance, employment, reproduction responsibility, biblical truth or personal hygiene, why should we provide information about the location of any RBSM?
*PROOF YOU CAN ACT LIKE A LADY: Single sisters, feminism is dead! There is a whole new generation of young, single women who are taking off their power suits, and putting on aprons. They like having doors opened for them, hate speaking or hearing foul language, and don’t spend all their off time sucking in information from the latest women’s magazines. They know how to cook, clean, and sew.
*PROOF OF YOUR RELIGION IN ACTION: I don’t care what denomination you belong to, or where you worship. If you claim to be ‘in’ church, your conduct is more important than your mouth! If you can out-cuss a man, out-drink a man, and out-fight a man, even the Bible says that your religion is of yourself--not of God.
*PROOF OF SUBMISSION: This REALLY separates the women from the wanna bees. My single sisters: if you don’t want to listen to an RBSM before you get serious, you won’t listen to him after you tie the knot. It’s the man’s job to lead in a relationship, and a woman’s job to help and follow his leadership in a relationship. If you can’t or won’t, don’t even bother thinking about marriage…or getting a recommendation from married folks.

WHAT KICKED MY KEYBOARD:
There were several items that kicked my keyboard for this column.

*One of them involved watching an RBSM that I knew get severely burned by a single sister. I had encouraged that the two meet. So did some other married brothers that I knew. Little did we know that the single sister would turn out to be in need of serious mental help. Plus, she came from a family with well-known anger management and jealousy problems. The relationship got SO bad, that the brother had to find another job, in another area of town. Yet another victim of dating someone in the same place of employment.

*Second, an Op Ed piece in the New York Times released in December 2002. Entitled: “Love and Race”, the piece pulled together a host of interesting information about those ‘going across the color line’. The piece pointed out that 40 percent of those in the USA have made that decision when it comes to dating. Plus, more and more Americans are marrying across the color line--even in places that were benchmarks for racism. These numbers double, every decade--if I read the column right.

*Lastly, I did a review on Monte Maddox’s book: “What’s Wrong With Black Women”. If you haven’t heard about it, let me cliff it for you. Maddox came to the conclusion that many in the brotherhood have known for years. There is a double standard that exists in the arena of relationships. Single women seem to continue to gravitate towards the worst of the worst among the brotherhood…then get mad over their inability to ‘be a woman’ and grow up, straighten up, clean up and allow RBSMs to ‘discover’ them. In other words, Maddox advises single women to get back to acting like ladies, instead of ‘cookie cutter hood rats’.

Sure, my advice may seem a little harsh. Maybe even downright cruel to some sisters who may be living camped out on DeNial River. However, let’s be bottom line about this ‘relationship’ thing. There are a host of RBSMs out there, waiting to discover the women of their dreams. These brothers don’t need a ‘nightmare’, but a ‘helper’ who is willing to stick with them in marriage and beyond.

On this Valentine’s Day, sisters, be on notice that we are in a new millennium.

Be on the up and up, or be alone.

It’s YOUR call.

And the brotherhood said: AMEN.

MIKE RAMEY is the author of The Manhood Line. A syndicated, monthly column, written for men from a biblical, business, and common sense perspective. Emails welcome to manhoodline@yahoo.com.
© 2003 Mike Ramey/Barnstorm Communications International